Ain’t Nothin Gonna Break My Stride...
“…nobody gonna slow me down.” The song by Matthew Wilder was a hit in the 80s. The song came to me in the shower, and so I watched the video. Nothing like the 80s to just release all judgement about fashion, attitudes, and dance moves! On Genius, I learned that Clive Davis told Wilder it wasn’t a hit, so Wilder had enough self-belief to leave Arista records and produced the song with another record label. The song went to #5 on Billboard Hot 100.
When young, I just felt the upbeat vibe of the song and yet after reading the lyrics, I realize it’s about someone who doesn’t have time for relationships as they are too busy succeeding, driven by a “rocky past” in love–the classic defense mechanism we've probably all experienced or seen in others. What I always took for a song about staying on top of one’s game and not letting obstacles slow one down is actually about a person running from intimacy due to a fear of being hurt again. It’s about someone whose baggage is so painful to them, they’d rather run from it. It's their coping mechanism. Little do they know that at some point they’ll need to unpack it. We can’t ignore it. It’s ours. We packed it ourselves for our trip by our own life choices (conscious or subconsciously driven); and we have a choice to unpack it now or when we arrive at our next destination/relationship.
[Chorus]
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
Ain't nothin' gonna break-a my stride
I'm runnin' and I won't touch ground
Oh no, I got to keep on moving
[Verse 2]
You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts
The road behind was rocky
But now you're feeling cocky
You look at me and you see your past
Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast?
And she said...
Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride…I’ve got to keep on moving.
And so, it goes….
Sometimes when we are hurt by past relationships, or caught in an emotionally abusive dynamic, it takes a lot to find our stride again. If we unpack the past, we have the best opportunity to move from victim consciousness to power consciousness, realizing that in any dynamic it always takes two to tango. We always have agency to make changes, to leave, to change, to communicate better. That’s where shadow work comes in. What core beliefs, buried deep down, did we or have we not recognized that is/was fueling our relationship dynamic? What are we afraid to unpack or face? Where do we give our power away or try to exert it over others?
We must fully unpack our suitcase and put everything away in the drawers where they belong. This goes in the drawer when my parents didn’t validate me, that goes in the drawer of when I was bullied, that one is the last love that left me, the escaping into fantasy drawer, not accepting responsibility or accountability…pick your drawers!
The trick is that the ego doesn’t like to go there. It shields us from resurfacing those deeply buried wounds because that’s precisely its job—protect our soul from our painful emotions. Rationalize it away. Defend our carefully built identities and self-concepts. And it serves it's purpose, it's not necessarily bad, but the wounds are like, "hello, I’m still here! I’m not going anywhere until you face me." Tap, tap, tap. Whether wounds stem from childhood or our recent past, shadow work is the only way to leap forward into to newer, healthier dynamics. Otherwise, history will repeat or at least rhyme.
Do our self-protective mechanisms help us or hinder us? Where are we on the spectrum of protection? If our tendency is to overgive, can we set better boundaries to balance the scales? If we give too little, can we open our hearts to be less controlling and more vulnerable, more honest? In both cases, usually it's fear that's driving the show. Fear of being exposed, losing control, losing love.
Wherever we find ourselves on this spectrum of self-protection, it shows us where balance is needed and that emotional work, self-reflection and feeling, is the only antidote. And of course, that should lead to more self-love and self-respect (the opposite of arrogance and insecurity).
Soul-prompt: Do I still carry baggage from past relationships and how does it show up for me? What relationships do I attract and what is my role in the dynamic?
