We Are All Addicts
Don’t think you are an addict? Think again. We are all addicts of something. My addictions range from coffee to YouTube—at times I can’t seem to get enough information (mars in Gemini). Some people are addicted to other substances like alcohol, cannabis, love, social media, you name it. Some are addicted to bike rides in nature, work-outs, self-reflection, meditation. The truth is, we are wired for addiction, outsized reward that we need more of, formed over millions of years of evolution. It shouldn't carry any stigma since we are all wired for it.
Gabor Mate said he was addicted to online shopping as a way to avoid is subconscious childhood pain of abandonment. Addiction, large or small, innocuous or damaging, is always a way to self-soothe the pain or discomfort we feel. Gabor defines addiction as having the following components: something that gives us pleasure or relieves suffering, causes negative consequences, and that we feel we can't give up.
The fact is, if we don’t search for the cause, we can’t find it; if we can't find it, we can't wrestle with it, face it, heal it. The pain created in childhood, however, is often sneakier than recent heartache or trauma because its harder to see, lodged in our subconscious. The avoidant habit that is addiction is simply a means to cope.
The choice is ours—if we can't change the way we are wired, can we choose healthier addictions? And equally important, can we deal with the underlying emotions causing them? Can we identify the feeling and ties it back to the feeling in childhood? That's how I was able to get in touch with it—by asking that exact question when in the thick of an emotion: how does this relate to the feeling I had when I was a kid? To me, that was my breakthrough. It wasn't intellectual, it was a somatic recollection. From there, I can intellectualize.
Ideally, we can detach from addictions (even the good ones if we want to) and be masters of our minds.
Soul-Prompt: What am I addicted to that’s harming me (or others)? What feeling am I avoiding? How does it relate to my feelings in childhood?
