How Crying Heals Us
Our bodies store unprocessed emotion
Our bodies hold pain memories like a computer holds a file on its hard drive; it can be pulled up at any time, clicked into at any moment. The painful memory is stored in our fascia. We tend to forget that our bodies have an their own intelligence, running on millions of years of organic development.
I’ll never forget in my early twenties, when I first went to therapy, I cried for the first time about a painful childhood memory and I literally felt something unlock in my left arm. I had no knowledge at the time of energetic meridians that run through our bodies. Only decades later when my acupuncturist put needles in my arm did I learn that the heart meridian runs through the arm.
After a good cry, I always felt so much better—a cathartic release. When I cried in therapy in my late twenties, when I picked it back up, I noticed I literally felt energetically lighter. I thought it was the strangest thing at the time, and I have had friends who have had similar experiences. Laughing is also a release, and I have laughed so hard that I've cried; it was obvious to me while it was happening that I was releasing pent up emotional tension I didn't even realize I was carrying.
As my interest in somatic work increases, I saw this video where Ana Pashyanti compares pain in the body to a boiling pot of water—the sad emotions apply pressure inside the body until it boils over, spills out, erupts—maybe in anger, maybe in tears, maybe in both. But when we allow the pain to rise to the surface, when we befriend it, it naturally loses its pressure because like a coiled spring, it finally bursts forth and is released. The more we allow the feelings to surface through crying (the release valve), the lighter we feel.
I used ignore these feelings. They would either rise up in my shoulders, become a lump in my throat or a drop in my stomach (depending on the thought that elicited the experience), and I’d quickly try to push it down. Why? I believe there were three reasons:
One, I clearly didn't want to go deep and explore these feelings because there was shame around them.
Two, it was such a deep memory that I didn't know how to quite access it, an more importantly, know how to solve it.
Three, suppression was the original coping mechanism. As children we don’t have other coping mechanisms at our disposal. This was the pattern set in me from an early age.
Where we feel these various sensations within our body (soma) is equally important and can serve as a roadmap to that buried treasure of information. These places can help reveal to us what types of emotions we may be storing and why.
Why we should cry like a todder
I saw a Ted Talk several years ago where someone was talking about how toddlers express themselves so easily by erupting into tears at the drop of a hat and how healthy it was. (I wish I could find that video again to share with you!)
Over time, we are taught to suppress that natural expression and understandably so—we can’t burst into tears every time we feel like it as adults. It would be highly inappropriate. :) That said, in the privacy of own home, I gave myself permission to follow the wisdom of a toddler; I allowed myself to feel the full expression of my unadulterated feelings the moment they came up, no holding back, no questioning, no repressing. Sometimes it would only last for one minute, and then I’d go back to putting away my laundry. Over time, the pressure of those painful feelings naturally lessened and now I let myself do this regularly as I find it a healthy habit.
What happens in our bodies when we cry
Tears themselves are a release of water, symbolic of our emotions. When we purge memories of stored sadness, our tears release feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, (as babies we cry to communicate with our mother so she'll pick us up to bond), endorphins (designed to calm us down from our feelings or stress or fear) and cortisol (our stress hormones that has been building up in the body).
We’re basically allowing the intelligent body (our soul’s vessel) to heal itself through its natural mechanism that allows for emotional regulation. From a psychological lens (vs. a neurobiological lens), it allows us to connect to our suppressed feelings, and therefore, once again feel more whole—to become connected to our inner most self that accepts the painful emotion instead of disowning it.
I encourage everyone to try this “cry like a toddler” method. I'd love to know what your experience was like, email me or comment below. I have found it quite freeing and transformative, allowing myself to release old, stuck emotions quickly without storing them.
Soul-Prompt: Can I allow myself to express my painful emotions as they arise without holding back? How do I feel after I cry and release pent up stress, emotion, grief? Can I make this an automatic habit?
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